We All Have Secrets

...and I'm about to share one of mine:

"I have loose skin around my abdomen."

There! I said it. (As embarrassing as it is to do so.)

Despite 2.5 rounds of P90X, 2 rounds of Insanity, ChaLean Extreme, running, other workouts and eating healthy, I am left with a reminder of what my body once was, in the form of sagging skin. I can't say that I am surprised by this at all. I neglected my body for years, packed on the pounds and I also gave birth to two beautiful children. I knew my body would never be "perfect" but I did have hopes that my skin would bounce back more than it did.

A year ago when I reached that 100lb+ weight-loss milestone, I began to research tummy tucks and started to really contemplate having one done. Of course the thought of going under the knife scares the shit out of me and I don't exactly have thousands of dollars sitting around collecting dust, so I tossed the thought into the "maybe someday" file in my brain. However, I knew if it was something I was ever going to do, I would have to prove to myself that this truly did become a lifestyle and that my old habits wouldn't creep back up on me.

As you have read here, over the past year I have had struggles with nutrition as well as my workouts, but thankfully never at the same time. Despite these struggles, I have never gained more than 8lbs and I have always dropped it as soon as I felt I gained it. (Yes, I can totally feel when my weight shifts now...it's weird, but I can call the number on the scale before I even step on it). My measurements have even stayed consistent over the past year which really made me happy and brought the thought of a tummy tuck back to the front of my mind again.

A few weeks ago I had a discussion with my husband about how upset this extra skin made me. How frustrating it was to look in the mirror and not be able to see past it despite all of the hard work I have done over these 3 years. I broke down into tears, which is something I hate to do, but this is something that I'm really embarrassed about. (You have no idea how hard it is to even type this blog right now). For the first time, he saw the pain I felt and we discussed going for consultations to see how much it would be to have the tummy tuck done and to find out if I was even a candidate for it.

Yesterday, I went for a consultation with a plastic surgeon who came highly recommended by the doctor I used to work for. I studied photos of his work and looked at patient reviews  on-line for the 2 weeks leading up to this appointment. The anxiety I had going into that office was unreal but I womaned-up, put on the pink paper gown they left for me and stood before the surgeon to have all of my imperfections examined. After the exam, we sat in a conference room and discussed the procedure in detail. He answered all of my questions, gave me all of the information I would need to make a decision and he then walked me down to the hall to another office where the financial portion of the consultation would be handled. I sat there nervously as I prepared myself for number anxiety. This portion of the consultation should really come with a shot of Patron or Jack Daniels...a person needs something to take the edge off when a tiny piece of paper with a large number is about to be presented to them. The woman entered the room with said piece of paper and there was an extra digit before the coma that I wasn't quite prepared for. At this point some smelling salts would have also been nice to revive me and bring me back to present time so I could have heard her going over "payment policies".  I managed to smile even though I was discouraged by the price and I left the office when she was done, with some information on financing in case I needed that as an option...uh yeah! Last time I checked the money tree in my backyard hadn't sprouted yet.

I called my husband after the appointment and almost immediately lost it. I felt all of my hope for ridding myself of the "old me" slipping away after seeing the price tag on the procedure and he quickly calmed me down. He talked me off the ledge and said all of the things I needed to hear. Another phone call to my mother and I was feeling better again. There were a few more wishy washy moments that evening but after the three of us sat down over dinner, went through all of my options and scenarios, it was decided that I earned this procedure.

Yes, you heard me correctly. I decided to go ahead with the tummy tuck and this morning, I called the office and made the appointment to say farewell to the last remaining reminder of the "old me". In three short weeks, it will be nothing more than a very painful incision on my abdomen....Dammit! I wasn't supposed to think about that now.

I know this is not going to be an easy road, but they say anything in life worth having, isn't easy. Heck, the past 3 years of my life weren't easy either, but with hard work and dedication, I proved that I wanted it bad enough to get it.

So there you have it...the big secret I've been hiding is out on the web for everyone to read...and I feel a slight sense of relief now that I've shared it.



Have you had a tummy tuck? If so, please share your recovery tips with me.